insanity at it finest

yeah i am insane. but i am dealing with it. chill yaki you can do it.

this is so tiring

I think this life is so tiring. We always need to pretend about our real emotions. Sometimes I just want to give up. But I know there is no easy way out of this. I am so confused. Good thing something keeps me busy nowadays. Without it, I don't know where I will be.

maybe it is not meant to be

Today blogger.com undergone system maintenance and my most recent insanity post disappeared. This included something about revealing what I feel about someone. May be it is not meant to be. I don't know which makes me feel more crappy the post got lost or I don't have a means to tell even just my blog what I feel. Well looking / reading back it is one and the same thing. Crap crap crap. Well either way I might write it again in a different time with more information.


It suddenly resurfaced. Suddenly this blog entry makes no sense

all lies

I am somehow ok. Better than last few days. That talk really helped me out. I am just saddened that I cannot be honest, well not hundred percent honest, to the only two people who knows this side of me.

I cannot tell it to you straight to your face so I will just put it here. He is so lucky to have you. I don't think I need to expound. Well I want too pero let us leave it that way. It is also one of the reasons why I was not me last week.

i wish i could just tell someone

...anything and everything. For now I will just sing

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such, I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game, but to my real shame
You left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

angry birds

don't you find the name of that game as weird? angry birds? i wonder, when will i get to play or be played.

a little background

I originally planned to take it to the grave. I don't want anyone to know because I am afraid of what people would say. I always lived my life under the radar, doing things cyber, and not giving out any details. I use different alias to satisfy my urge online. As 2011 started, I told myself, iiwan ko na yung ganung ways. I will be straight. All went as planned for the first few months until March came. I "accidentally" confirmed my instincts before and it made me nuts for the whole day. I found out that my college buddies are keeping the same secret as I do. But there is something more. They are together. This made me fucking crazy as they don't seem to be like that and they are the first "couple" I know, under the covers. Patay ako pag nabasa nila itong blog na ito. During that day I took several shots of alcohol and then finally confessed to them that I know their dirty little secret. Pero napadami ata nainom ko, I told them my secret also.